Google Your Name and The Word “Meme”

See?

See?


I recently saw a post where someone asked people to google their name and the word “meme”. So I did. The majority of mine are Princess Tiana related.
shoes

But some are bizarre.

yuno

What on earth does this mean?

What on earth does this mean?

Some results were completely random.

frog

What do you get when you google your name and the word meme?

Taking over One Week One Band This Week!

oneweekoneband
Starting tomorrow, I’ll be taking over One Week One Band for a couple days to talk about Canadian chamber-pop group Ohbijou.

The site’s a really cool platform for music writers to swoon over bands they’re passionate about for a week. I’m so excited for the opportunity to contribute.

WTF is Semalt.com?

Over the past few days in my Adsense, WordPress, Woopra and Google Analytics logs (on all of my sites) there has been this suspicious referrer named Semalt. Usually the link string has something that looks like a competitor comparing other sites. But then it would be silly to even consider this personal blog anybody’s competitor. After all who can be me better than me right?

semalt

 

Going to the actual domain for this website brings you to a page that has nothing except a login page. There’s not even an about section to let you know what on earth they are. All the page says is “It’s Easy to Understand What’s Going on With Your Google Rankings”. Yo, I’ll tell you what’s going on sir, quit crawling my page. I’m skeptical of anything that promises better Google rankings. There are enough spam e-mails that like to sell me this every day.

 To further the weirdness, the “Login” and “Register” button is the same damn button. I’m not going to type anything in those fields. This seems like a clever phishing site for passwords. According to this website, it does work as an analytics tool but the site for processing payments is a third party one, there is no SSL security and the domain has only been around since September. I also find it suspicious that a legit company has no social media presence whatsoever, especially when it is now key to promoting web traffic.

 I write this to warn my fellow WordPressers and bloggers not to click or register for this site until there is a clearer understanding of what it is. 

Elf On The Shelf Is The World’s Most Frightening Christmas Trend

elfontheshelf

In November, I started hearing mentions of something called “Elf on the Shelf”. I had not previously known what this was and thought it was the next growing viral video sensation. Naturally, I eventually decided to Google it.

What I found was the latest in Christmas trends, and it was frightening. How it works is there is an elf. He comes with a book that you read to your children. The story goes that Santa can’t possibly know which little kids are naughty or nice so they sent an elf to come watch them and relay back to Santa. The rules are that the elf cannot be touched or it will lose its magic. Parents are supposed to put the elf in random places around the house while the child is not looking to provide the illusion that the thing is alive and is indeed watching.

elfontheshelf2

All this might seem okay and magical but LOOK AT THE ELF. His little beady eyes are the creepiest thing. It reminds me of Slappy, the dummy from Goosebumps. He is literally looking at you from an eerie angle. On top of this you are told that he exists to watch and listen. If I saw this thing as a child moving around in my house I’d lose my mind. Not in a good way. In a HOLY SHIT HE IS GOING TO KILL ME sort of way. Because I was that sort of child.

I was a smart child. I would have figured that this thing was here to ruin my ability to be naughty. I wouldn’t be able to eat copious amounts of holiday candy or take sneak peeks at my presents. Every time I thought about getting into mischief would be questioned by this lingering elf. Ultimately, I’d get mad and want to defeat it, despite still thinking it was the scariest thing ever. Sooner or later I’d go up to it and touch it and allow it to lose its magic. Then I’d rip his head off so there would be no way it could report back to Santa. Then I’d be the winner of Christmas.

In reality, we all know Santa is not real and that parents will buy their kids presents no matter what.

The Mystery of the Random Lighter

Yesterday, I opened the cubicle in which all our mail usually lay. Inside the dark hole perched a tiny grey package. It was addressed to me, and even included my phone number. There was no exact return address. It only mentioned Shen Zhen China and there were some Chinese words I couldn’t read. I was elated, thinking that one of the packages I had ordered off Ebay had finally arrived.

I ripped open the envelope to find a mysterious object wrapped in white foam. It was steel tubular object attached to a keychain. A knob could screw off and revealed a metal rod with what looked like a screw and a tiny bit of cloth at the end. I took a whiff of the inside of the tube and it smelt of gasoline. I was very confused. This was not the camera accessory, film or dog costume I had ordered. I had no idea what it was, so I took a photo of it and turned to Twitter.

A bunch of people assumed it was a tiny flask, but within minutes my question was answered. It was a flint fire starter, something people took camping and used to start fires in case of emergency. The question still remained, “Why was it sent to me?”.

Initially, I thought it may have been my 12 Days of Holiday bullshit so I took to Twitter to ask. Cards Against Humanity replied and said it would be very obvious it was from them. I guess they wouldn’t forget to include their own branding on their items. A confusing tube that could start fires was quite a quirky object so CAH was a good guess, but not the right one. Now I must wait until I get all my other orders and see which eBay seller sent me the wrong thing.

However, I could get all the right parcels and still be left with a flint lighter from a mysterious place. We’ll have to wait and find out.