I don’t think I liked the person I was 10 years ago. I wasn’t very confident and found myself in a toxic relationship. I often searched for validation by doing stupid things or slightly oversharing on the internet. 2010 was a low point emotionally for me so it’s amazing to look back and see how far I’ve come.
In 10 years I experienced so many things. 10 years ago, I started my music blog, that I had decided to end this year. It brought me some invaluable experiences shooting bands in different cities and some of my greatest friendships but also realizing that I am not the same person I was when I started it had merit too.
I both met and married Nash. We moved together to the city and got full-time jobs related to our industry, something we couldn’t even fathom not too long ago. We went on lots of food adventures, even as far as Japan.
Our family got Teddy, and for the first time, I experienced the unconditional friendship of a dog. Then years later I got Bacon for myself and he vastly changed how I see and appreciate the world. He made me explore the corners of the city that I never would’ve seen and made me a much more active person (less online couch potato) than I was.
I don’t know what’s in store for the next 10 years but that’s okay, surprises are the best part of life. Happy New Year!
I spend a lot less time recently and more offline at the dog park, hanging out with friends or family. I’ve been tweeting a lot less, though highly active on Bacon’s Instagram.
I felt less of the need to document life on the blog, and more to just live it. I’ll always love blogging, but I no longer feel the urge to do it every day. I started to burn out from doing that while trying to fill a day with activities and the result was the lack of recent posts. I felt the constant need to explain myself because of my self-imposed content creating goals which resulted in the lack of posts.
For now on, I’ll write when I am in the right mindset instead of just to fill the space.
I don’t know if it’s like the drastically changing season here or something, but I’m feeling a bit down, like I need to hibernate for a while. Maybe I exhausted a lot of energy lately and it’s catching up to me.
Life’s not always peachy and I’m feeling a bit anxious about many things but I’m also excited (but starting to stress about all the things I need to do) about my future wedding. There are many days where I feel the genuine peaks of happiness but then an occasional wave of depression hits and I feel exhausted.
Whatever it is, this autumn anxiety is real and I want to acknowledge it. I know I have been a bit absent from this blog after I broke my streak, but I think those breaks were needed. I don’t necessarily owe anyone an explanation why I haven’t been blogging that much, but I want to continue to acknowledge my mental illness if it makes someone out there feel less alone. 7 years ago, I made a conscious effort to deal with GAD unmedicated and I don’t regret it but some days are hard.
I’ve been away from the blog for a bit because my sister just got married this weekend. Even though it wasn’t my own, there was still a lot of running around getting everything organized for her big day.
In January 2015, I started a blogging goal to post every day. I posted over 840 days in a row, but this week, I broke the streak. It was partially not by choice as internet on my East Coast vacation was sparse. It mostly required walking to a neighbourhood pizza place and looking like a weirdo on my computer at the beach if I was that desperate to post. It was hard at first, but I decided to break the streak.
What I discovered was a new calm. I didn’t feel the stress of needing to find content to post. I enjoyed every minute offline with friends in the beautiful scenery and taking small road trips. I have plenty of stuff to share and have a backlog of real posts (and not quick cop-out posts).
I know I previously didn’t want to break the streak, but I think quality is greater than quantity. I’ll still post as often as I have content, but getting rid of the need to fill every day with a post will be better for my mental sanity.
I’m currently sitting at the airport, but get ready for bunch of adventure posts in the next few days!
I’m currently out east with friends. Sappy Fest just ended, but I’ll be heading to friend’s cottages and continuing the vacation out here for the next few days. I’m not sure what the internet situation is going to be like, but I’ll keep trying to do my daily posts!
Yesterday I set up camp at River & Sky festival. This community festival is more like real camping than others I have been to.
I woke up a little eaten by bugs but it is an ok tradeoff for such a wonderful relaxing atmosphere. For the first real time last night, I looked up at the stars and saw galaxies full of them. I found the Big Dipper and appreciated all the natural bright lights in the sky.
In the city, the skies are frequently polluted with airplanes but here they were natures decorations.
There's not much cellphone signal here but I am okay with that!
I’m going to be somewhat off the grid this weekend (or I don’t know what reception is like). I’m headed to River & Sky Festival which takes place in Field, Ontario (wherever that is). It’s around a 4 hour drive from Toronto, and we headed out bright and early at 6am.
Daily blogging but get a bit hard but I’ll see what my reception can handle! Otherwise, see you on the other side!
Last night was the last concert for a while at The Silver Dollar. It’ll be closing so that they can build condos in the area. It will re-open because it has a heritage designation, but because of the closures, the people that are involved will probably not be a part of it anymore.
Thank you for all the special memories:
– It was one of my first club venues before I was even old enough to go to it. I’d volunteer for NXNE (when it was still cool).
– I stood in awkward silence beside people who are now my friends.
– I fell in love with a lot of my favourite bands there.