I don’t know if it’s like the drastically changing season here or something, but I’m feeling a bit down, like I need to hibernate for a while. Maybe I exhausted a lot of energy lately and it’s catching up to me.
Life’s not always peachy and I’m feeling a bit anxious about many things but I’m also excited (but starting to stress about all the things I need to do) about my future wedding. There are many days where I feel the genuine peaks of happiness but then an occasional wave of depression hits and I feel exhausted.
Whatever it is, this autumn anxiety is real and I want to acknowledge it. I know I have been a bit absent from this blog after I broke my streak, but I think those breaks were needed. I don’t necessarily owe anyone an explanation why I haven’t been blogging that much, but I want to continue to acknowledge my mental illness if it makes someone out there feel less alone. 7 years ago, I made a conscious effort to deal with GAD unmedicated and I don’t regret it but some days are hard.
I’ve been away from the blog for a bit because my sister just got married this weekend. Even though it wasn’t my own, there was still a lot of running around getting everything organized for her big day.
In January 2015, I started a blogging goal to post every day. I posted over 840 days in a row, but this week, I broke the streak. It was partially not by choice as internet on my East Coast vacation was sparse. It mostly required walking to a neighbourhood pizza place and looking like a weirdo on my computer at the beach if I was that desperate to post. It was hard at first, but I decided to break the streak.
What I discovered was a new calm. I didn’t feel the stress of needing to find content to post. I enjoyed every minute offline with friends in the beautiful scenery and taking small road trips. I have plenty of stuff to share and have a backlog of real posts (and not quick cop-out posts).
I know I previously didn’t want to break the streak, but I think quality is greater than quantity. I’ll still post as often as I have content, but getting rid of the need to fill every day with a post will be better for my mental sanity.
I’m currently sitting at the airport, but get ready for bunch of adventure posts in the next few days!
I’m currently out east with friends. Sappy Fest just ended, but I’ll be heading to friend’s cottages and continuing the vacation out here for the next few days. I’m not sure what the internet situation is going to be like, but I’ll keep trying to do my daily posts!
Yesterday I set up camp at River & Sky festival. This community festival is more like real camping than others I have been to.
I woke up a little eaten by bugs but it is an ok tradeoff for such a wonderful relaxing atmosphere. For the first real time last night, I looked up at the stars and saw galaxies full of them. I found the Big Dipper and appreciated all the natural bright lights in the sky.
In the city, the skies are frequently polluted with airplanes but here they were natures decorations.
There's not much cellphone signal here but I am okay with that!
I’m going to be somewhat off the grid this weekend (or I don’t know what reception is like). I’m headed to River & Sky Festival which takes place in Field, Ontario (wherever that is). It’s around a 4 hour drive from Toronto, and we headed out bright and early at 6am.
Daily blogging but get a bit hard but I’ll see what my reception can handle! Otherwise, see you on the other side!
Last night was the last concert for a while at The Silver Dollar. It’ll be closing so that they can build condos in the area. It will re-open because it has a heritage designation, but because of the closures, the people that are involved will probably not be a part of it anymore.
Thank you for all the special memories:
– It was one of my first club venues before I was even old enough to go to it. I’d volunteer for NXNE (when it was still cool).
– I stood in awkward silence beside people who are now my friends.
– I fell in love with a lot of my favourite bands there.
It was a joke mainly because he’s also from an all white town and his parents live near the woods with the next house kind of far away. Of course it is perfectly fine and I have never felt unsafe. I was born in Canada, so often I forget that I’m not white. Plus, I figure 6 years and a diamond ring seems like a lot of effort for such a ploy.
I loved the movie. It was funny, but it also made me think about the micro-aggressions we all have (whether we admit it or not) towards people who are different from us. Just because I’m not white doesn’t mean that my own culture doesn’t have it’s own set of prejudices. In fact, there was even an Asian man in the weird town.
The most interesting part of the weird town in the movie was that I don’t think the people thought they were racist. They spoke in tones that were condescending, too positive, ways they would not talk to other people who were like them. “I would vote for Obama a third time,” does not equate to not being racist.
As an interracial couple, we had our own awkward times with the “meet the parents” scenario. In fact, he didn’t meet mine until two years into the relationship. He was the first dude I was ever brave enough to bring home, maybe because I was never really into Asian dudes. Nash became too important for me to care what my parents thought and they welcome him now too.
Earlier this week, I somehow stabbed myself in my right eye with my thumbnail. It hurt a lot. I teared up involuntarily at my desk at work. I saw fuzziness for the first day. It was terrible.
I left work a little bit early because I didn’t want to look like I was bawling at my desk and people kept coming up to talk to me for some reason. The trip home was the worst!
I couldn’t keep my eye(s) open. It helped to doze off a bit so that the tearing would stop. I got off a few stops early to pick up some antibiotic eye drops so that it wouldn’t get infected. I probably looked like an idiot as I teared up mid-aisle staring at eye drops. There were too many to choose from and I only had one eye to read labels.
Eventually, I went home (which was also the day of my Miss Fresh package came and I still cooked a recipe and was magically fine while doing it). After that, I lay in bed and let my sore eye rest with a warm towel in my eye and some eye drops. More involuntary crying happened and I fell asleep early watching The Simpsons.
The next day. I took some Tylenol for the remaining pain and applied eyedrops to my swollen eye. I probably looked a bit strange but I still put on eyeliner to seem normal. I was more functional.
Today, I seriously just forgot about it. Sometimes pain is a combination of physical but psychological as well. I think it healed more today, but I can feel it more when I think about it vs when I’m so busy at work and school that I don’t have time to have a crazy eye!
Anyways, I don’t know what the moral of this story is but maybe I’ll read my own post and not poke myself in the eye again.