In November, I started hearing mentions of something called “Elf on the Shelf”. I had not previously known what this was and thought it was the next growing viral video sensation. Naturally, I eventually decided to Google it.
What I found was the latest in Christmas trends, and it was frightening. How it works is there is an elf. He comes with a book that you read to your children. The story goes that Santa can’t possibly know which little kids are naughty or nice so they sent an elf to come watch them and relay back to Santa. The rules are that the elf cannot be touched or it will lose its magic. Parents are supposed to put the elf in random places around the house while the child is not looking to provide the illusion that the thing is alive and is indeed watching.
All this might seem okay and magical but LOOK AT THE ELF. His little beady eyes are the creepiest thing. It reminds me of Slappy, the dummy from Goosebumps. He is literally looking at you from an eerie angle. On top of this you are told that he exists to watch and listen. If I saw this thing as a child moving around in my house I’d lose my mind. Not in a good way. In a HOLY SHIT HE IS GOING TO KILL ME sort of way. Because I was that sort of child.
I was a smart child. I would have figured that this thing was here to ruin my ability to be naughty. I wouldn’t be able to eat copious amounts of holiday candy or take sneak peeks at my presents. Every time I thought about getting into mischief would be questioned by this lingering elf. Ultimately, I’d get mad and want to defeat it, despite still thinking it was the scariest thing ever. Sooner or later I’d go up to it and touch it and allow it to lose its magic. Then I’d rip his head off so there would be no way it could report back to Santa. Then I’d be the winner of Christmas.
In reality, we all know Santa is not real and that parents will buy their kids presents no matter what.
Yesterday, I opened the cubicle in which all our mail usually lay. Inside the dark hole perched a tiny grey package. It was addressed to me, and even included my phone number. There was no exact return address. It only mentioned Shen Zhen China and there were some Chinese words I couldn’t read. I was elated, thinking that one of the packages I had ordered off Ebay had finally arrived.
I ripped open the envelope to find a mysterious object wrapped in white foam. It was steel tubular object attached to a keychain. A knob could screw off and revealed a metal rod with what looked like a screw and a tiny bit of cloth at the end. I took a whiff of the inside of the tube and it smelt of gasoline. I was very confused. This was not the camera accessory, film or dog costume I had ordered. I had no idea what it was, so I took a photo of it and turned to Twitter.
A bunch of people assumed it was a tiny flask, but within minutes my question was answered. It was a flint fire starter, something people took camping and used to start fires in case of emergency. The question still remained, “Why was it sent to me?”.
Initially, I thought it may have been my 12 Days of Holiday bullshit so I took to Twitter to ask. Cards Against Humanity replied and said it would be very obvious it was from them. I guess they wouldn’t forget to include their own branding on their items. A confusing tube that could start fires was quite a quirky object so CAH was a good guess, but not the right one. Now I must wait until I get all my other orders and see which eBay seller sent me the wrong thing.
However, I could get all the right parcels and still be left with a flint lighter from a mysterious place. We’ll have to wait and find out.
On Friday I received my November Loot Crate! As a Canadian looter, this was the first time it arrived before the month was over and any spoiler newsletters were sent out. This box was particularly heavy. You can watch my video unboxing here or read about the items below.
The theme of the month was Celebrate, which was appropriate since the Holiday seasons are upon us.
This month looters received random sets of playing cards. Mine happened to the Bicycle Guardians set. The dark colours make them the perfect mystery for magic tricks. Originally I thought they were inspired by Magic the Guardian, but they are based on ancient scriptural art.
It wouldn’t be a celebration without balloons and Loot Crate had us covered with this Tardis design. There was also this matching sticker, to turn every space into a public phone booth.
The most mysterious thing was the BFAST Shake. It’s the new breakfast on the go.
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah BATMAN! Mighty Wallet provided this interesting origami-made wallet. I can’t believe it’s made out of a single sheet of paper.
A party is not a party without music, and speakers to play them on. This month’s crate included these adorable South Park ones at random and I received Cartman.
Loot Crate came through with their promise of bubble wrap. They were to protect this last item, a literal shot glass. A proper celebration needs some drinks!
I’m excited for the December one (it is Christmas after all). It’ll probably sell out like last month but you can still sign up at: http://mbsy.co/lootcrate/176357 with $3 off!
This post has nothing to do with the copyright case regarding Goldie Blox’s parody of Beastie Boys’ “Girls” in their most recent ad campaign. This new toy line called Goldie Blox has become increasingly popular due to its marketing as a smart toy for girls. However, it fails to see that they are the very problem that they are seemingly trying to fix.
The company’s aim is to “disrupt the pink isle and inspire the future generation of female engineers”. However, if you look at their product line, everything remains in the stereotypical girlish colours of pink and purple, continuing the notion that these are the only toys for our little girls. I am by no means a self-identified feminist (or even a parent) but I do believe in the fact that little girls (and boys) should be exposed to different toys as a child.
I never was the one to play with dolls, I thought they were boring. As a child, I loved to play with what was considered boys toys: Lego, K’nex, video games. I was made fun of in school at an early age for having the “wrong” toys (like a Thomas the Tank Engine train set) . The girls didn’t want to be my friends because I owned few Barbies and didn’t want to play Mystery Date. I hung out with the boys and discovered things like NES and Pokemon cards. For Christmas one year I asked for that machine where you could make your own edible gummy creatures, except I received the one that made dolls.
Though everyone may have their own style of parenting and beliefs, I will show my future child that they don’t have to follow the conventions of society. They don’t have to choose the pink or the blue toys. I believe that if we want our children to grow up to be engineers, scientists and creative people than it starts from the parents, not the toys we buy them.
I originally published this post on Medium
I rarely post about products (unless they are social media or internet obtained), but lately I’ve had an obsession with Asian beauty products because of their adorable designs. In addition, they are super affordable. This lip scrub from Tony Moly comes in a lip shaped container.
The cream itself is white with little sand-like beads. There weren’t really any English instructions, or room for any, (since there wasn’t a box) so I figured it out by reading other people’s reviews of the product. I took a tiny amount and rubbed it on my lips for a minute or two and felt the granules rubbing off the dead skin. It didn’t hurt or anything. After washing it off, my lips felt much smoother!
I recommend this product for dry lips, or any one who is a chronic lip biter (like me). It makes lip stick and glosses last much longer the next day too.